How to Listen, Speak or Ask Questions to a Man?
I have seen this happening again and again. In the restaurants, on the road, in the shopping malls, in workshops. This is what I call "typical lovers syndrome".
After telling her long story, women realized that man is not speaking at all. So just to check if he is listening or not, she asks a question.
But before man can open his mouth, woman fires another question " I knew that you were not listening". She starts arguing. Now, men come into defense and start giving logical arguments. After a long fight, both are depleted and exhausted. No one listening or understanding anyone. Love has disappeared from them just like a cloud of smoke in the strong wind.
This was one of the wounds that had destroyed many relationships that I had with women. I felt not listened and understood. Our Love and Sex life started deteriorating after this feeling.
Can you relate to it?
The reason for this type of fight is not that we don't love each other. Its also not that we don't want to listen to each other. The reason is in the Ignorance of scientific information when it comes to communication between Men and Women.
Neuroscientific research done in the last 20 years shows that the part in the brain that is responsible for communication, found to be of a bigger size in the female brain than the male brain. Women also can listen and speak at the same time and, women can process many threads of communication at the same time
Men are linear when it comes to communication and also they can not process multiple instructions at the same time. Men are wired to go deeper into each and every question.
So when a woman asks any question, Man will dive deeper into his consciousness and would try to find the best jewel to give you as a gift. This takes time...
So, It's not that Men don't want to share their feeling, its also not that men are stupid when they can not answer your question as quickly as you would or expect from another female friend.
So Women, if you would like to communicate with a Man, if you like a man to share his world with you then, follow these simple tips:
1. Ask a Man whatever you need to ask and then put imaginary duct tape on your mouth and wait.. and wait...and wait...until he start to speak.
2. When he starts speaking, Listen wholeheartedly. He is bringing something from his deepest part of life to you as a gift. If you are not 100% there, he will feel wounded because he has just tried to share something precious with you and you have rejected it.
3. When you want to know his decision about something then ask " What is your opinion about it?" rather "What is your feeling about it?". You can ask women about their feelings but men generally do not get turned on by asking about feeling. They get hard on when you ask their opinion.
Men's protect their opinion equally as women protect their feelings. men are very attached to their opinion as they are formed from their whole life experiences.
There can be so many more tips I can offer when it comes to communication between lovers... If you want to experience it with me then join me in Greece this Summer where I and Tanmaya ( My Beloved) will be teaching a week-long Master Lover Retreat.
Know more about this retreat here...
In the end, sharing a quote from Louann Brizendine who has done 25 years of research on Male and Female Brain and wrote The Female Brain and The Male Brain:
"IF I COULD impart one lesson to women that I learned in writing this book, it would be that understanding the biology of the male brain helps us relate better to the male reality. Much of the conflict that exists between men and women is fueled by unrealistic expectations that stem from failing to grasp each other’s innate differences. To men, I would say I hope that shedding light on the male brain’s tendencies and its physiological responses to hormones will clarify the basis for your natural urges and the way you think, feel, and communicate. My belief is that this information can provide men with a sense of relief at finally being understood."
To me, Love means understanding each other differences and respecting for what is rather trying to change something that is so ingrained in our brain.
Enjoy connecting and communicating